So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
