three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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