I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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