so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
