ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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