I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
