She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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