Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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