im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
