Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
