So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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