I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
