how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
