i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
