it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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