this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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