Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
