just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
