We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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