To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
