I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The air was thick with penises
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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