i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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