My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We talked him into tasing himself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
