Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
