It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Vodka?
Forever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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