If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In America we eat man semen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
