god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
