happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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