Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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