i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My feet surprised me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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