24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Damn victory sex feels great
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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