Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
