i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
