So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
