party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
