I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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