i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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