You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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