i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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