Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize