I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
