When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
