yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
