Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
