she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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