I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's always time for handjobs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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