he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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