All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
