When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am one with the molecules
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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