I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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