She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
