i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
