Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
