there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
