I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
