If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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