i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
