i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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