i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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