What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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