You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
