the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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