mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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