I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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