I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude. I can hear the air.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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