My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
