omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
