Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
