you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I could fuck to npr.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
