I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sarcasm needs its own font
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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