we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
