Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
one might say we're banned from that church
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
