I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
