I'm so fucking centered right now
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
