Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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