He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
