i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
