Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
