He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
