I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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