I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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