You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
